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blithe spirit's Journal
18 most recent entries

Date:2003-06-19 14:17
Subject:wednesday wackiness
Security:Public
Mood: stressed

7:30 am: grumpy

1:30pm: hungry

3:45pm: smiling...amid the usual mad flurry of activity in the office, i found a moment of happiness when a good friend sent me a concerned sms.

it's funny how seldom we send an email, sms or make a phone call to say hi, thinking of you, take care, smile ok?

So...Hi! Thinking of you. Take care. Smile, OK?!! :)

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Date:2003-06-17 15:31
Subject:hey, wanna chat?
Security:Public

something strange has happened. the chatty, eloquent, fun-loving, frivolous person who used to write this journal has vanished. what's left is this serious, obsessive, ambitious, scary ADULT.

no, actually, what's scary is that they are one and the same person. facets of a flawed diamond, you might say. look into its heart, and you might glimpse endless reflections, light entering and shattering. almost.

well, gonna start writing again. it's not really that hard. press a key, then two, before you know it, voila! 6 sentences to total inanity. perfect!

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Date:2002-07-27 15:18
Subject:
Security:Public

Why do I not update my LJ more often? Guess it's cos of too little time, too much work. Especially since I'm trying to level up my career before the end of the year. How to afford moving out on my own?

Been trying to figure out how other people manage to add their pics and animations into their LJ. Conclusion: I'm great at marketing technology, but a klutz at using it!

My scrabble ranking is now 1300+!!

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Date:2002-07-24 01:11
Subject:
Security:Public

Treatise on Vulnerability - Dr. S. Morgan, 1976

Self doubt begins by gnawing away at the core of your beliefs until they collapse upon themselves like a dying star, forming a black hole that devours all hope, life, vitality and spirit.

Self doubt, not cancer, nor heart disease is the "silent killer". Slowly, inexorably, you succumb. What is more terrible is that you have the power to stop it at any time, but choose not to do so. Instead, your resignation, your acceptance makes it stronger, more powerful. In the end, you are the only one responsible for the demise of your spirit.
Therefore, if you feel the slightest stirring of a kernel of self doubt (of which we have many buried within our psyche), by all means take steps to eradicate, even cauterize that insidious life before it takes root. Once it does, there is nothing we can do, save play mute witness to the self destruction of a human being.

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Date:2002-07-21 19:03
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: groggy

fri - met oliver for dinner and pool. firs time i've played pool in ages and first time i've had dinner at chatterbox in years. the last time i did was right after venom with Samuel. hmmm. there's something about chicken rice and old loves. perhaps things would have worked out if i had gone over to the UK, but then again, maybe not. i'm not the type to play househusband or tai tai. thanks to my "bro" for his company; one of the most enjoyable evenings i've had in some time.

sat - woke up wanting to go to the gym, but ende up going for a 10k run. am i out of shape! rest of day was spent going through the job ads. there has got to be something that i wanna do out there. ok, so i spent 5 (!) hours playing scrabble too! never knew it could be so addictive. that'll teach me to read other ppl's LJ!

sun - again woke up to go to the gym at 6. did my pecs and biceps. at this rate i should reach my target of 5kg in another 2 months. whoever said vacationing makes u fat should invite me along!

like the sparrow heading south or the bat in search of prey,
it makes a beeline for the horizon,
taking my dreams and hopes with it,
that playful thing called time

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Date:2002-06-24 05:07
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: drained

when the music grabs hold
and doesn't let go
gotta go with the flow
gotta let them know
you're the dancer in the dark
and baby, it's your show

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Date:2002-06-23 01:24
Subject:old friends, new memories
Security:Public
Mood: contemplative

spent Sat evening playing tennis, then watching VCDs with a group of friends. I've known most of them for ages, but we grew apart. Or rather, I grew apart from the group. It felt strange but good getting to know them all over again. There was lots of laughter, shouting, mock pillow fights. Haven't felt this close to anyone in a long time. My best friend and his "gang" are in a different category; here I was just one of the guys.

We were talkin about relationships at one point, and one of them commented that I was more intersted in the chase then the result. The more unattainable it was, the more I wanted it. Just another sign from the heavens. I've been getting a lot of those lately. There was the most courteous cabby in Singapore (he showed me clippings of him in all the major papers!) who reminded me that you're the only person who can make yourself happy, and you should share that happiness with others. Right at the moment I felt most down, in fact! Scary but defintely a wake-up call.

God, I'm listening.

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Date:2002-06-21 16:48
Subject:she'll be coming round the mountain...
Security:Public
Mood: working

Or rather, she came, indulged in a mad round of catching up with friends and family, and left.

Shann, I wish you had had more time in Singapore. Somehow, life seems a little less interesting wheen you're not around. And we seem to grow further apart each time you return. But hey, I just might consider that job offer in Seattle, so you never know. If everything works out, you and Daeho can show me how the Korean girls dance with a hand against the wall, shaking their heads non-stop for hours! In high school prom dresses with gigantic bows no less! Yay-baa!

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Date:2002-06-21 01:10
Subject:Kan4 Po4 Hong2 Chen2
Security:Public
Mood: determined

It's been some time since I wrote on LJ. This is due in equal parts to a sickness, a family matter, work issues and relationship difficulties. I seem to have covered all the bases, haven't I? There are times when you fall into a rut, and mine was a major pit. But now, I'm back to a pretty much even keel. Full steam ahead, Captain!

St. Michael: "How was your weekend, God?"
God (wearily) : "Exhausting."
St. M: "What happened?"
God: "Well, let's see...11 million dying humans with three times that number blissfully unaware of their impending fate. Add to that 2 billion better off dead, 1 billion who should be dead, 3 billion who wished they were dead... How the H*** could you think I had a good weekend?!?!"
St. M: "With all due respect Sir, if they were all dying or dead, what were you so busy with?
God: "You try sleeping in on Sunday with a billion plus children cursing or pleading with you!!!!"

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Date:2002-06-04 01:39
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: indescribable

decided to let Diana Krall sing me to sleep tonight...

here's her version of one of my mostest favouritest songs, introduced to me by a good friend. For him, it is a song of true love gained and then lost. boy, i hope you heal and find another true love. for me, it's a portrait of what love should be - a state of being i hope to experience but fear that i am incapable of ever achieving.

P.S. For the broken hearted, try Dusty Springfield's original version drenched with all the sour aftermath of cigarette smoke in a club after the lights come on and everyone's left.

The Look of Love,
by Dusty Springfield


The look, of love,

is in your eyes.

The look, your heart, can't disguise.


The look, of love,

is saying so much more,
than just words can ever say.


The look a heart has searched from,
it takes my breath away.


I can hardly wait to hold you,
feel my arms around you.


How long I have waited,
waited just to love you,
now that I have found you.


You've got the look, of love.


It's on, your face.
A look, that time can't erase.


You're mine, tonight.


Could this be just the start of so many nights like this?

Let's take a lovers' vow, and then seal it with a kiss.


I can hardly wait to hold you, feel my arms around you.


How long I have waited.

Waited just to love you,

now that I have found you,


Don't ever go.


I can hardly wait to hold you, feel my arms around you.

How long I have waited.
Waited just to love you,
now that I have found you,


Don't ever go.

Don't ever go.


I love you so.

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Date:2002-06-04 01:17
Subject:
Security:Public

take a little trip sometimes
into the waters of your mind
and tell me is it filled
with weird and wonderful lifeforms
or placid with the weight of the world

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Date:2002-05-30 13:07
Subject:tick tock...
Security:Public

it's crazy...there's like a million things to do and i'm posting on LJ. definitely mad, or if not, i can feel myself heading in that direction. takes so much energy to even smile, but just gotta try. some of you have come up and said that you're sorry for not having the time to call and chat or whatever. don't be, ok? life is about giving and taking, not just one or the other. i'm happy just knowing you're ok?

am I sure? yes. ok? maybe not. hope i survive till saturday.

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Date:2002-05-30 09:37
Subject:this isn't me
Security:Public

stumbling home at midnight
can't walk anymore
the mind can barely wander
staring at the tv
eating leftovers
who's got the energy to warm them up?

fear creeps in; halfhearted
slow as old grannies on treadmills
what happens when tomorrow's a copy of yesterday?
just wrap the darkness close and sleep
the morning light will bring answers?

right?

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Date:2002-05-27 18:10
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: annoyed

Argh! I gotta get a new keyboard. This darn one keeps skipping letters and adding spaces!

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Date:2002-05-27 18:09
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: indescribable

The past couple of days have been filled with strange thoughts. Maybe it's the growing older thing, or maybe I've just been meeting people who engage my thoughts in this direction, but I've been thinking a lot about life.

Where am I headed? What am I supposed to be doing? Things like that. I've been experimenting with a tarot deck that a fan gave me for my brithday. It's weird but all the readings indicate that I have to overcome many obstacles and trials before reaching my destination. And what is this destination? The cards say that it's financial success, knowledge and love all rolled into one. Maybe I have to climb Mt. Everest or something. :)

Anyway, to my no 1 fan and all friends, "listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future, try to keep your head up to the sky..."

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Date:2002-05-25 23:46
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: melancholy

I met up with Mig for dinner today. As always, I was quite sad to see how less robust he is compared to when I first got to know him. It's frustrating how he won't share his problems with me at times, but I've learnt to give him his space. There are some things that you have to go through alone.

It was really sweet when he tried cheering me up cos he tot I was very stressed out from work. I should have been the one doing he cheering up. Maybe it's cos I'm normally so stoic about my own problems that it's weird when other people try to lighten mu load. Mig said it will take some time for him to recover fully. All I can do is to be there for him when he needs me and not all the time.

Last Sunday, I read out a statement by a HIV+ person. Let me share his words with you and hope that they will give you strength when illness, relationship issues and all the shit that life throws at you becomes too much to bear.

"All I ask is to be accorded dignity and respect...to live my life without fear, without discrimination, without prejudice."

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Date:2002-05-25 14:15
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: content

I turned 26 yesterday, and it was one of the best birthdays ever. Why? Cos I got to spend it with close friends, old and new. It started out with dinner and coffee with Willie. Although we've not known each other that long, I feel very close to him. He's someone who I feel comfortable discussing life issues and metaphysical musings. And his poetry will always speak volumes to me. I know that he will find what he's looking for eventually.

I then met Gabriel to go down to the clubs. Friends like Oliver and Venture were nice enough to come down and wish me happpy birthday. It was also the first time that I had been to Zouk this year. Danced like m ad, and came out very tired, sore but satisfied. Dancing always makes me feel that way. Ended up playing bridge the whole night with close friends.

Heartfelt thanks to all my friends for their wonderful presence in my life.
It stuck me on the way back that everyone in my life, past, present and future, has something to teach me. I hope I learn their lessons well.

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Date:2002-04-29 02:12
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: thoughtful

First entry. Off to a good start I hope.

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